Today Does Not Exist

There will be no “25 Months Ago” post today, because today is July 31, and 25 months ago would have been June 31. And there ain't no such animal, but you knew that.

In its place, I offer you some beat poetry. Imagine me in a beret and black turtleneck, playing the bongos, as I recite this.


Yoda talks like Grover

Jar Jar talks like Elmo

Jabba talks like Cookie Monster

If he had indigestion


Lando talks like Gordon

Mace Windu looks like Gordon

Lobot looks like a photonegative of Gordon

But can he talk?

But can he talk?

Of course he can talk

He's in “Superman II” reciting a poem about trees

It's true

Go watch it if you don't believe me


Boba Fett talks like Oscar the Grouch

Or he did, before becoming a Maori

Han Solo thinks like Oscar the Grouch

Watto lives like Oscar the Grouch

So do the Jawas

And the Ugnaughts

In fact, every intelligent race less than five feet tall

Seems to have a thing for trash

Perhaps if you're too small to tame beasts of burden

You can't make the transition

From a hunter-gatherer society

To an industrial society

If you can't develop your own technology

You can only live off the refuse

Of other civilizations


Where was I?


Oh yes


Obi-wan talks like Mr. Hooper

Palpatine looks like Mr. Hooper


Nute Gunray talks like the Count

Which is why he's friends with Dooku


Artoo and Threepio don't talk like anyone

But they don't have to

Because they've been to Sesame Street

Because they've been to Sesame Street

So they're part of the family


And Luke was on the Muppet Show

So he's like a cousin


Anakin talks like Bert

Boss Nass talks like Ernie

George Lucas talks like Kermit

But where is Snuffleupagus?

But where is Snuffleupagus?


I'll tell you where


Snuffleupagus is invisible

Very few can sense him

Very few believe in him

But he is real

He surrounds us at all times

To know him is to be powerful

Beings of fur and felt are we

Not this crude matter

The Force is Snuffleupagus

and

Snuffleupagus is the Force


But if you're looking for Big Bird

Don't bother

The Ewoks killed and ate him

Sorry kids



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